NEVER MIND THE BUZZINESS, FEEL THE CLICHÉ - RF Cafe Forums

I imagine we have all done it: been part of a secret society that believes we can sneer at techno-babble that is taught in business management and sales training courses. After compiling a secret list in meetings where they are flying like leaves in the fall, we meet afterwards together for a good laugh.

I have some favourites but as most of these buzzy expressions originate from the States, I am sure yorl out there can do better.

AGNOSTIC with no particular conviction one way or the other
DETERMINISTIC ELEMENTS factors that effect decisions
DRAW A LINE UNDER THIS forget this foul up, and concentrate on our potential for success
DRIVEN BY LOW ENTRY BARRIERS encouraged because it is cheap to invest in
EMERGING TECHNOLOGIES some freaky new gizmos with ENHANCED FUNCTIONALITY (qv)
ENHANCED slightly modified eg color scheme
EVERGREEN future proof
FEATURE-RICH it can do lots of things you probably don’t want to do
FIRST IN BREED see “Taken a leadership Position”
FUNCTIONALITY what it does, what it is capable of
GATING THE ROLL-OUT controlling the gradual issue of an OFFERING
INSTALLED BASE default configuration
IS KEY is of prime importance
LEGACY SYSTEM now obsolete, but was the super wiz-bang stuff we sold you last year
LEVERAGED your investment is small, but uses others to raise it to the requisite level
MAPPED ONTO incorporated or integrated into something
MAKE IT CLEAR “journalese” for what politicians do (eg lying, obfuscating periphrastically)
MISSION STATEMENT broad policy objectives jazzed up as a one-liner
MISSION-CRITICAL reliability “IS KEY” (qv)
(TO) OWN to be responsible for
OFFERING product or service
PARADIGM a philosophy or set of processes
PLATFORM basic means for carrying out a task
PLAYERS people or organisations involved
****-READY expected soon to be compatible with ****
Like HDTV-Ready, Oven-Ready etc
****-OF CHOICE the **** that is preferred by most organisations (eg cliché of choice)
PORTFOLIO sounds buzzier than “list”
PROCESS business activity with a specific objective or task
RE-POSITIONING we goofed on the last OFFERINGS, but this might work
ROAD MAP a series of evolutionary steps
ROLLOUT gradual introduction of a PROCESS to get the bugs out
STRATEGIC FIT conformity with management planning
STRUCTURED arranged or put together in a logical way
SUPPORTING providing FUNCTIONALITY, working with something
TAKEN A LEADERSHIP POSITION We are ahead of most competitors (but not all)
WAY FORWARD how we get out of this mess
SUPPORTS AN ALTERNATIVE UNCTIONALITY we are not compliant to your specification, but offer something else you might like instead

Greetings nubbage:

What a great list! That such terms are so commonly mocked and appear regularly in the Dilbert comic strip is evidence enough of their ineffectiveness except for with those who preach them. Inclusion of those words and phrases in presentations and discussions often requires the speaker to be a verbal contortionist that often fails in his/her attempt to make the things fit into a sentence. It is as betraying of a sign of business geekdom to the utterer as is masking tape on the nose bridge of glasses the sign of a science nerd.

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- Kirt Blattenberger
RF Cafe Progenitor & Webmaster

nubbage,
armed with a great list such as yours, you are ready to play "Bull$hit Bingo"!! It is a lot of fun. You take a small sampling of the list and as you are sitting through your next boring meeting, you can while away the time listening for those magic words to fly by. Cross them off as you hear them. The first player to cross off all the words on the list is to stand up and yell "Bull$hit Bingo!". What keeps everyone else playing from reaching a Bingo at the same time is that some, if not all, of the players will have fallen sound asleep.

Of course, if you don't want to commit such a CLM (Career Limiting Move), you can agree that a sign (such as an uncontrollable itchy nose) will suffice as the BS Bingo yell to tell all the other players that the game is over and you have won!