 These engineering and science tech-centric
jokes, song parodies, anecdotes and assorted humor have been collected from friends
and websites across the Internet. I check back occasionally for new fodder, but
it seems all the old content is reappearing all over (like this is). The humor is
light-hearted and clean and sometimes slightly assaultive to the easily-offended,
so you are forewarned. It is all workplace-safe.
Humor #1,
#2, #3
Comprehending Engineers-Take One
***************************** The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why
does it work?" The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an Accounting
degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
Comprehending Engineers - Take Two
***************************** To the optimist, the glass is half full. To
the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Comprehending Engineers-Take Three
***************************** A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were
waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must
have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude! "The
pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him." [dramatic pause] "Hi George. Say,
what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's
a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let
them play for free anytime." The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will
say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist
buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them." The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"
Comprehending Engineers-Take Four
***************************** There was an engineer who had an exceptional
gift for fixing all things mechanical After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired.
Several years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one
of their multimillion dollar machines. They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine to work but
to no avail. In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the
past. The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day studying the huge machine. At the end of the
day, he marked a small "x" in chalk on a particular component of the machine and stated, "This is where your
problem is". The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. The company received a bill for $50,000
from the engineer for his service. They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges. The engineer responded
briefly:
- One chalk mark $1
- Knowing where to put it $49,999
It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.
Comprehending Engineers-Take Five
***************************** What is the difference between Mechanical
Engineers and Civil Engineers? Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.
Comprehending Engineers - Take Six
***************************** Two engineering students were walking across
campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking
along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the
ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." "The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good
choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
Comprehending Engineers-Take
Seven
*****************************
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said,
"It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The
nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections." The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer.
Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
Comprehending Engineers-Take Eight
*****************************
"Normal people ... believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it
doesn't have enough features yet." --- Scott Adams, The Dilbert Principle
Comprehending Engineers - Take Nine
***************************** An engineer was crossing a road one day when
a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess. He bent over, picked up
the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a
beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it
and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll
stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into
his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay
with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer said, "Look I'm an engineer. I
don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool." ...thanks to Steve
for these. |
