Funnies from The Good Life: June 2014

The Good Life is a free publication printed in northern Michigan. Along with advertisements and stories from local interests, every edition is chock full of humorous quips and jokes. These tech-related items are from the June 2014 edition.

For $60, this printer ink had better be hand squeezed out of endangered squids.

Why Computers Should Be Considered Masculine:

• In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
• They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
• They are supposed to help you solve your problems, but half the time they ARE the problem.
• As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer, you could have had a better model.

• No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
• The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
• Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
• As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

An office technician got a call from a user. The user told the tech that her computer was not working. She described the problem and the tech concluded that the computer needed to be brought in and serviced. He told her to “Unplug the power cord and bring it up here and I will fix it.”

About fifteen minutes later she shows up at his door with the power cord in her hand.

New Old Sayings

• Anywhere you hang your @ is home.
• The e-mail of the species is deadlier than the mail.
• A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click.
• You can't teach a new mouse old clicks.
• Great groups from little icons grow.
• Speak softly and carry a cellular phone.
• C:\ is the root of all directories.
• Don't put all your hypes in one home page.
• Pentium wise; pen and paper foolish.
• The modem is the message.
• Too many clicks spoil the browse.
• The geek shall inherit the earth.
• A chat has nine lives.
• Don't byte off more than you can view.
• Fax is stranger than fiction.
• What boots up must come down.
• Windows will never cease.
• In Gates we trust (and our tender is legal).
• Virtual reality is its own reward.
• Modulation in all things.
• A user and his leisure time are soon parted.
• There's no place like http://www.home.com
• Know what to expect before you connect.
• Oh, what a tangled website we weave when first we practice.
• Speed thrills.
• Give a man (or for that matter anyone) a fish and you feed him for a day; teach him to use The Net and he won't bother you for weeks.

Posted  May 30, 2014