These tech-centric jokes,
song parodies, anecdotes and assorted humor have been collected from friends and
websites across the Internet. This humor is light-hearted and sometimes slightly
offensive to the easily-offended, so you are forewarned. It is all workplace-safe.
The Good Life
is a free publication printed in northern Michigan. Along with advertisements and
stories from local interests, every edition is chock full of humorous quips and
jokes. These (mostly) tech-related items are from the October 2014 edition.
- I hate it when I'm on twitter & there isn't a car behind me to honk when
the light is green.
- There is a huge spider in my kitchen so I will be tweeting from on top of this
table for whatever the life span of this species is.
- My buddy's phone autocorrected 'wife' to 'wide' and now he's living in my garage.
- So eBay takes 10% of your profits and Craigslist is 100% free (but with the
chance of being murdered) ... Such a dilemma.
- iPhone 6: For people who don't mind holding an iPad up to their ear.
(iPhone 6 is very large)
Top personnel executives of 100 major American corporations were surveyed and
asked for stories of unusual behavior by job applicants. The lowlights:
- ...stretched out on the floor to fill out the job application.
- She wore a Walkman and said she could listen to me and the music at the same
- A balding candidate abruptly excused himself. Returned to office a few minutes
later, wearing a hairpiece.
- ...asked to see interviewer's resume to see if the personnel executive was qualified
to judge the candidate.
- Interrupted to phone his therapist for advice on answering specific interview
- When I asked him about his hobbies, he stood up and started tap dancing around
- ...pulled out a Polaroid camera and snapped a flash picture of me. Said he collected
photos of everyone who interviewed him.
- A telephone call came in for the job applicant. It was from his wife. His side
of the conversation went like this: "Which company? When do I start? What's the
salary?" I said, "I assume you're not interested in conducting the interview any
further." He promptly responded, "I am as long as you'll pay me more." I didn't
hire him, but later found out there was no other job offer. It was a scam to get
a higher offer.”
This one is technical, but I laughed my hiney off when reading it because of
the unexpected ending.
A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At the
end of the service the pallbearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally
bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket
and find that the woman is actually alive! She lives for ten more years, and then
finally dies. A ceremony is again held at the same place, and at the end of the
ceremony the pallbearers are again carrying out the casket. As they are walking,
the husband cries out, “"Watch the wall!"
During a practical exercise at a military police base, the instructor was giving
the class instruction in unarmed self- defense. After he presented a number of different
situations in which they might find themselves, he asked a student, "What steps
would you take if someone were coming at you with a large, sharp knife?" The student
replied, "BIG ones."
Some of my friends from the UK started a company built around an innovative idea
for an online business. A debate broke out about what to name the venture. "We have
to call it Imagination," one passionate participant cried out. Everyone thought
the idea over for a minute, and then a voice of reason replied, "Are you sure you
want your business card to read 'Imagination, Limited'?"
My job is in the aerospace industry, and it's always been a challenge to explain
what kind of work I do. At one gathering, I tried several unsuccessful attempted
explanations before deciding to be as generic as possible. When the subject came
up while I was talking with a group of guys, I replied simply, "Defense contractor."
The men nodded, and as the conversation went on, I silently declared victory to
myself. Then, one of them turned to me and asked, "So, what do you put up mainly?
Late one night a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed
man and stuck a gun in his ribs. "Give me your money," he demanded. Indignant, the
affluent man responded, "You can't do this, I'm a United States Congressman!" "In
that case," replied the mugger, "give me MY money."
Posted November 10, 2014