Funny T-Shirt Sayings
These tech-centric jokes,
song parodies, anecdotes and assorted humor have been collected from friends and
websites across the Internet. This humor is light-hearted and sometimes slightly
offensive to the easily-offended, so you are forewarned. It is all workplace-safe.
Here are the Best T-shirts, which ran
recently in the Washington Post:
- God Made Us Sisters; Prozac Made Us Friends.
- My Mother Is a Travel Agent for Guilt Trips.
- Senior Citizen: Give Me My Damn Discount.
- (Spotted on a passing motorcycle): If You Can Read This, My wife Fell Off.
- I Used to Be Schizophrenic, but We're OK Now.
- Veni, Vedi, Visa: I Came, I Saw, I Did a Little Shopping
- What If the Hokey Pokey Is Really What It's All About?
- Coffee, Chocolate, Men; Some Things Are Just Better Rich.
- Liberal Arts Major... Will Think for Food.
- Don't Treat Me Any Differently Than You Would the Queen.
- Gravity...It's Not Just a Good Idea. It's the Law.
- If You Want Breakfast in Bed, Sleep in the Kitchen.
First National Bank of Dad; Sorry, Closed.
- In Dog Years, I'm Dead.
- Love May Be Blind, But Marriage Is a Real Eye Opener.
- If at First You Don't Succeed, Skydiving Isn't for You.
- The Trouble With the Gene Pool Is That There's No Lifeguard.
- Get a New Car for Your Spouse. It'll Be a Great Trade.
- I'm Going to Graduate on Time, No Matter How Long It Takes.
- Anything Not Worth Doing Is Not Worth Doing Well.
- A Day Without Sunshine is Like Night.
- First Things First, but Not Necessarily in That Order.
- Old Age Comes at a Bad Time.
- In America, Anyone Can Be President. That's One of the Risks You Take.
- Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
- I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
- You're just jealous because the voices only talk to ME.
- BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.
- So you're a feminist...Isn't that cute.
- The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.
- I(nternal) R(evenue) S(ervice): We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
- Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
- Out of my mind...Back in five minutes.
- As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
- Hang up and drive.
- I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in
- God must love stupid people...He made SO many.
- Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.
- I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
- Where there's a will...I want to be in it.
- Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
- Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
- Always remember you're unique... Just like everyone else.
- God is my copilot, but the Devil is my bombardier.
- I don't have a license to kill. I have a learner's permit.
- Keep honking while I reload.
- Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either!
- Who were the testers for Preparations A through G?
- Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
- 5 days a week my body is a temple. The other two, it's an amusement park.
- EARTH FIRST! We'll strip-mine the other planets later.
- If you drink, don't park. Accidents cause people.
- If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.
- Save the whales! Trade them for valuable prizes.
- Whitewater is over when the First Lady sings.
- Jack Kevorkian for White House physician.
- My wife keeps complaining I never listen to her ...or something like that .
- Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive.
- Stop repeat offenders. Don't reelect them!
- Your village called, their idiot's missing! (thanks to Martin L. for adding that)