Managerese vs. Engineerese

Engineering Humor - RF Cafe These tech-centric jokes, song parodies, anecdotes and assorted humor have been collected from friends and websites across the Internet. This humor is light-hearted and sometimes slightly offensive to the easily-offended, so you are forewarned. It is all workplace-safe.

Humor #1, #2, #3

Managerese	Engineerese
Adjust schedule	Slip schedule
Advise	Order
Ambitious	Unlikely
Aggressive	Very Unlikely
Challenge	Frustration; a dirty job nobody wants
Compatibility	Impossibility (see "Transparent change")
Contribution	Anything a manager likes
Controlled introduction	Let the customer do the CA
Couldn't reach consensus	Total disagreement
Critical path	Something that only a short project can be on
Diagnostics	Something that might give us a clue
Dynamic	Unstable
Elevated to management level	Dead
Encouraged	Ordered
Encouraging process	No tangible results
Exciting	Frightening
Functionally complete	Can do something that appears to work for any feature
Growth opportunity	Learning experience
Helping people	Telling people what to do
Historical	Nobody remembers why
Inappropriate	Stupid (see "Non-optimal" and "Stupid")
Individual contributor	Regular grunt engineer
Interesting	Bear in mind the Chinese curse "May you live in interesting times"
Issue	Problem (see "Opportunity")
Learning experience	Mistake (see "Growth opportunity")
Less than candid	Bald-faced lie
Leverage	Borrowing someone else's problem
New opportunity	Surprise
Non-optimal	Inappropriate
Opportunity	Problem
Pessimistic	Most likely to occur
Positioning problem	No one will buy it
Power down	Trip over the power-cord
Project transfer	Start project over again
Quality	Japanese; otherwise not well defined
Redirected	In some contexts: cancelled; otherwise: start again
Resource constrained	Not getting done (see "Time constrained")
Revision	Same software version but from another tape
Richness	Overwhelming complexity
Scenario	Fairy tale
Significantly reduced subset	Castrated
Stable	Stagnant
Strategy	What we tell ourselves we are going to do
Strong personality	Intolerably obnoxious
Strongly encouraged	Ordered on pain of death (see "Encouraged")
Stupid	Incredibly stupid (see "Inappropriate")
Suboptimal	Inappropriate
Tactical plan	What our customers tell us we are going to do
Time constrained	Already too late (see "Resource constrained")
Time frame	A period of time in which something will not occur
Transparent change	A change which introduces only subtle problems
We	You

...from the Inflection Point website


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