Sure Signs that You May Need an Elmer

An Elmer is the guy you go to, to ask questions about topics in Ham Radio that you don't understand.  In that vein, you know it's time for you to find an Elmer if...

• Your friend tells you he has a new two meter radio and you figure one of the meters must be for SWR and the other for power out.
• You hear a conversation on the low bands about CW and you think they're referring to a Dolly Parton concert.
• You hear that someone won a 40 meter radio at a hamfest and you wonder how they are going to get something that large in their house.
• You build a Morse code key out of Perspex and can't figure out why it won't key your radio.
• You think the difference between short wave and long wave is the speed at which you move your wrist back and forth.
• You're thinking about joining your other ham friends in the local ATV group because you own a Land Rover.
• You think a collinear antenna can only be used with two amplifiers.
• You think FM is the modulation type that came after EM, DM, CM, BM and AM.
• You wouldn't mind getting into packet radio but no matter how much you practice you can't get the hang of sending those beeps and braps with your keyer.
• You wonder what sound a short wave makes and why anyone would want to listen to one.
• You think the repeater committee would be a lot happier if instead of talking about their cavities they just went to the dentist and got them filled.
• You think a CW ID is the serial number of that latest Loretta Lynn album.

...by Jeffrey S. King, N1DJS