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New Investment Terms

Engineering Humor - RF CafeThese tech-centric jokes, song parodies, anecdotes and assorted humor have been collected from friends and websites across the Internet. This humor is light-hearted and sometimes slightly offensive to the easily-offended, so you are forewarned. It is all workplace-safe.

Humor #1, #2, #3

To be an astute and well-informed investor one should be familiar with the new terms used when dealing with the stock market. These terms have been updated to fit today's times:

  • CEO -- chief embezzlement officer

  • CFO -- corporate fraud officer

  • VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower

  • P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing

  • BROKER -- What my broker has made me

  • STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell

  • STOCK ANALYST! -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock

  • STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves

  • FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected

  • MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks

  • CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet

  • YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share

  • WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share

  • BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius

  • BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex

  • INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse

  • PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use

 

         ...thanks to Cornell for this one.

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About RF Cafe

Kirt Blattenberger - RF Cafe Webmaster

Copyright: 1996 - 2024

Webmaster:

    Kirt Blattenberger,

    BSEE - KB3UON

RF Cafe began life in 1996 as "RF Tools" in an AOL screen name web space totaling 2 MB. Its primary purpose was to provide me with ready access to commonly needed formulas and reference material while performing my work as an RF system and circuit design engineer. The World Wide Web (Internet) was largely an unknown entity at the time and bandwidth was a scarce commodity. Dial-up modems blazed along at 14.4 kbps while tying up your telephone line, and a nice lady's voice announced "You've Got Mail" when a new message arrived...

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