Rules of Thumb for the Military

These rules of thumb are followed by those who survive the military and go on to other vocations. Send me an e-mail if you have other good ones to add.

• "Anything you do can get you killed, including doing nothing." Murphy
• "If it's stupid, but it works, it isn't stupid." Murphy
• "If you are in advanced position, artillery will fall short." Murphy
• "Aim towards the Enemy." - Instruction printed on U.S. Army Rocket Launcher
• "When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend. - U.S.M.C. Training Bulletin
• "Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground." - U.S.A.F. Literature.
• "If the enemy is in range, so are you." - Infantryman's Journal
• "A slipping trigger gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit." - Army's Magazine of Preventive Maintenance
• "It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed." - U.S. Air Force Manual
• "Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo." - Infantryman's Journal
• "Tracers work both ways." - U.S. Army Ordnance Manual
• "Five-second fuses! only last three seconds." - Infantryman's Journal
• "Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid." - David Hackworth
• "If your attack is going too well, you're walking into an ambush." - Infantryman's Journal
• "No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection."
• "Any ship can be a minesweeper... once." - Anon Naval brass
• "Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do." - Unknown Marine Recruit
• "Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you." - Your Buddies
• "If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up with him."
• "As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure." - Jacques Chirac, President of France. "As far as France is concerned, you're right." - Rush Limbaugh
• "When a crash seems inevitable, endeavour to strike the softest, cheapest object in the vicinity, as slowly and gently as possible." - Advice given to RAF pilots during W.W.II
• "A retreating enemy is probably just falling back and regrouping." Anon
• "The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire." Anon

...thanks to Steve for this one

   ...and to Mauriac Z. for the latest two additions