 These engineering and science tech-centric
jokes, song parodies, anecdotes and assorted humor have been collected from friends
and websites across the Internet. I check back occasionally for new fodder, but
it seems all the old content is reappearing all over (like this is). The humor is
light-hearted and clean and sometimes slightly assaultive to the easily-offended,
so you are forewarned. It is all workplace-safe.
Humor #1,
#2, #3
As usual, there is no easy way to determine the
true origin of any of these jokes. Unless otherwise noted, that prolific author
"Anon" is the progenitor. If you can provide proof of ownership, I will be happy
to post it along with the material (or remove it if instructed to do so).
The Squaw on the Hippopotamus: Pythagoras's Theorem
Ian Stewart, in his 2012 book entitled, "In
Pursuit of the Unknown: 17 Equations That Changed the World," provides the following
story in the chapter 1 "Notes" section at the back of the book. Chapter 1 is entitled,
"The squaw on the hippopotamus: Pythagoras's Theorem." I highly recommend the book,
BTW.
An Indian chief had three wives, each of whom was pregnant. The first gave birth
to a boy. The chief was so elated he built her a teepee made of deer hide. A few
days later, the second gave birth, also to a boy. The chief was very happy. He built
her a teepee made of antelope hide. The third wife gave birth a few days later,
but the chief kept the details a secret. He built this one a two story teepee, made
out of a hippopotamus hide. The chief then challenged the tribe to guess what had
occurred. Many tried, unsuccessfully. Finally, one young brave declared that the
third wife had given birth to twin boys. "Correct," said the chief. "How did you
figure it out?" The warrior answered, "It's elementary. The value of the squaw of
the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides."
Standard Behavior
Q) Why did the engineering students leave class early?
A) They were getting a little
ANSI.
Engineering vs. Management
A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted
a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me?
I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."
The woman below replied, "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30
feet above the ground. You're between 59 and 60 degrees north latitude and between
107 and 108 degrees west longitude." "You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.
"I am," replied the woman, "How did you know?" "Well," answered the balloonist,
"everything you told me is technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of
your information, and the fact is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much
help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip." The woman below responded, "You
must be in Management." "I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You
have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise,
which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your
problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we
met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."
Sad But True?
Q) What Do Engineers Use as Birth Control?
A) Their personalities.
Watt?
Customer: Do you have any two-watt, 4-volt bulbs?
Sales Rep: For what?
Customer: No, two.
Sales Rep: Two what?
Customer: Yes.
Sales Rep: No.
Cross Products
Q) What did the Force say to the Distance?
A) We're having a Moment!
1st Computer
The world's first computer appeared at the time of Adam and Eve. Of course it
was an Apple, with just 1 byte.
Engineering Polish Joke
Q) Why do Polish airline planes have such bizarre seating arrangements
in their aircraft?
A) Everyone knows that poles in the right half plane are unstable.
You Might Be an Engineer If...
You think that when people around you yawn, it's because they didn't get enough
sleep.
Posted April 13, 2020
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