Abbott & Costello's Cyber-Routine
These tech-centric jokes,
song parodies, anecdotes and assorted humor have been collected from friends and
websites across the Internet. This humor is light-hearted and sometimes slightly
offensive to the easily-offended, so you are forewarned. It is all workplace-safe.
Costello: Hey, Abbott!
Abbot: Yes, Lou?
Costello: I just got my first computer.
Abbot: That's great Lou. What did
Costello: A Pentium II-266, with 40 Megs of RAM, a 2.1 Gig hard drive, and a 24X CD-ROM.
Abbot: That's terrific, Lou.
Costello: But I don't know what any of it means!!
Abbot: You will in time.
Costello: That's exactly why I am here to see you.
Costello: I heard that you are a real computer expert.
Abbot: Well, I don't know-
Yes-sir-ee. You know your stuff. And you're going to train me.
Costello: Uh huh. And I am here for my first lesson.
Abbot: O.K. Lou. What do
want to know?
Costello: I am having no problem turning it on, but I heard that you should be very careful
how you turn it off.
Abbot: That's true.
Costello: So, here I am working on my new computer and I want to turn it off. What do I do?
Abbot: Well, first you press the Start button, and then-
Costello: No, I told you, I want to turn
Abbot: I know, you press the Start button-
Costello: Wait a second. I want to turn it off.
Off. I know how to start it. So tell me what to do.
Abbot: I did.
Abbot: When I told you to press the Start button.
Costello: Why should I press the Start button?
Abbot: To shut off the computer.
Costello: I press Start to stop.
Abbot: Well Start doesn't actually stop the computer.
Costello: I knew it! So what do I press.
Costello: Start what?
Costello: Start button to do what?
Abbot: Shut down.
Costello: You don't
have to get rude!
Abbot: No, no, no! That's not what I meant.
Costello: Then say what you mean.
Abbot: To shut down the computer, press-
Costello: Don't say, "Start!"
Abbot: Then what do you want me to say?
Costello: Look, if I want to turn off the computer, I am willing to press the Stop button, the End button
and Cease and Desist button, but no one in their right mind presses the Start to Stop.
Abbot: But that's
what you do.
Costello: And you probably Go at Stop signs, and Stop at green lights. Abbot: Don't be
Costello: I am being ridiculous? Well. I think it's about time we started this conversation.
Abbot: What are you talking about?
Costello: I am starting this conversation right now. Good-bye.