These engineering and science tech-centric
jokes, song parodies, anecdotes and assorted humor have been collected from friends
and websites across the Internet. I check back occasionally for new fodder, but
it seems all the old content is reappearing all over (like this is). The humor is
light-hearted and clean and sometimes slightly assaultive to the easily-offended,
so you are forewarned. It is all workplace-safe.
Subject: Memo Concerning Bubba Claus
To: All Concerned
From: Santa Claus
I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no
longer serve the States of Kentucky, Georgia, Florida, Virginia, North and South Carolina, Tennessee, Mississippi,
Texas, and Arkansas on Christmas Eve.
Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was renegotiated by North American
Fairies and Elves Local 209. As part of the new and better contract I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies
so keep that in mind.
However, I'm certain that your children will be in good hands with your local replacement, who happens to be my
third cousin, Bubba Claus. His side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of delivering toys to
all the good boys and girls; however, there are a few differences between us.
Differences such as:
- There is no danger of the Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh
and a bumper sticker that reads: "These toys insured by Smith and Wesson."
- Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children leave an RC cola and pork rinds [or a moon
pie] on the fireplace. And Bubba doesn't smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff though, so please have an empty
spit can handy.
- Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin' coon dogs instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of
loaning him a couple of my reindeer one time, and Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's fireplace.
- You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen..." when Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you'll
hear, "On Earnhardt, on Gordon, on Elliott and Petty."
- "Ho, Ho, Ho!" has been replaced by "Yee Haw!" And you also are likely to hear Bubba's elves respond, "I
- As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' sleigh does have a Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the
back with the words "Back Off."
- The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle on 34th Street" and "It's a Wonderful Life" will not be
shown in your negotiated viewing area. Instead, you'll see "Boss Hogg Saves Christmas" and "Smokey and the
Bandit IV" featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens of state patrol cars crashing into each other.
8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd make sure you, the wife, and the
kids turn the other way when he bends over to put presents under the tree.
Member of North American
Fairies and Elves, Union 1225
to Steve for this one, too.