Chemical Analysis of Human Elements

These engineering and science tech-centric jokes, song parodies, anecdotes and assorted humor have been collected from friends and websites across the Internet. I check back occasionally for new fodder, but it seems all the old content is reappearing all over (like this is). The humor is light-hearted and clean and sometimes slightly assaultive to the easily-offended, so you are forewarned. It is all workplace-safe.

Humor #1, #2, #3

Caution: If you are easily offended, move on.

This appeared on the Basic Jokes (Clean Jokes for a Dirty World") website many moons ago.

Element Name: WOMAN
Symbol: WO
Atomic Weight: 'Don't even go there'.
Physical Properties: Generally round in form.

Boils at nothing and may

freeze at any time. Melts

whenever treated properly.

Very bitter if not used well.
Chemical Properties: Very active. Highly

unstable. Possesses strong

affinity to gold, silver,

platinum, and precious

gemstones. Violent when

left alone. Able to absorb

great amounts of exotic

food. Turns slightly green

when placed next to a better specimen.
Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth.

Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.
Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.

Element Name: MAN
Symbol: XY

Atomic Weight: (180 +/- 50).
Physical Properties: Solid at room temperature. Gets bent out of shape easily. Fairly dense

and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to age and

rust, older samples are unable to conduct electricity as well as

younger samples.
Chemical Properties: Attempts to bond with WO any chance it can get. Also tends to form

strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with

Kd (child) for prolonged periods of time. Can be neutralized by

saturating with alcohol.
Usage: None known. Possibly good methane source.
Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell.

...from the Basic Jokes website

Posted July 15, 2020