These engineering and science tech-centric
jokes, song parodies, anecdotes and assorted humor have been collected from friends
and websites across the Internet. I check back occasionally for new fodder, but
it seems all the old content is reappearing all over (like this is). The humor is
light-hearted and clean and sometimes slightly assaultive to the easily-offended,
so you are forewarned. It is all workplace-safe.
In the beginning GOD created the Bit and
the Byte. And from those he created the Word.
And there were two Bytes in the Word; and nothing else
existed. And God separated the One from the Zero; and he saw it was good.
And God said - Let the Data be;
And so it happened. And God said - Let the Data go to their proper places. And he created floppy disks and hard
disks and compact disks.
And God said - Let the computers be, so there would be a place to put floppy disks and hard disks and compact
disks. Thus God created computers and called them hardware.
And there was no Software yet. But God created
programs; small and big... And told them Go and multiply yourselves and fill all the Memory.
And God said
-I will create the Programmer; And the Programmer will make new programs and govern over the computers and
programs and Data.
And God created the Programmer; and put him at Data Centre; And God showed the
Programmer the Catalogue Tree and said You can use all the volumes and subvolumes but DO NOT USE Windows.
And God said - It is not Good for the programmer to be alone. He took a bone from the Programmer's body and
created a creature that would look up at the Programmer; and admire the Programmer; and love the things the
Programmer does; And God called the creature: the User.
And the Programmer and the User were left under
the naked DOS and it was Good.
But Bill was smarter than all the other creatures of God. And Bill said to
the User - Did God really tell you not to run any programs ?
And the User answered - God told us that we
can use every program and every piece of Data but told us not to run Windows or we will die.
And Bill said
to the User - How can you talk about something you did not even try. The moment you run Windows you will become
equal to God. You will be able to create anything you like by a simple click of your mouse.
And the User saw that the fruits of the Windows were nicer and easier to use. And the User saw that any knowledge
was useless since Windows could replace it.
So the User installed the Windows on his computer; and said to
the Programmer that it was good.
And the Programmer immediately started to look for new drivers. And God
asked him - What are you looking for? And the Programmer answered - I am looking for new drivers because I can not
find them in the DOS. And God said - Who told you that you need drivers? Did you run Windows? And the Programmer
said - It was Bill who told us to !
And God said to Bill - Because of what you did you will be hated by
all the creatures. And the User will always be unhappy with you. And you will always sell Windows.
said to the User - Because of what you did, the Windows will disappoint you and eat up all your Resources; and you
will have to use lousy programs; and you will always rely on the Programmers help.
And God said to the
Programmer - Because you listened to the User you will never be happy. All your programs will have errors and you
will have to fix them and fix them to the end of time.
And God threw them out of the Data Centre and
locked the door and secured it with a password.
GENERAL PROTECTION FAULT
...from the Basic Jokes website