 These engineering and science tech-centric
jokes, song parodies, anecdotes and assorted humor have been collected from friends
and websites across the Internet. I check back occasionally for new fodder, but
it seems all the old content is reappearing all over (like this is). The humor is
light-hearted and clean and sometimes slightly assaultive to the easily-offended,
so you are forewarned. It is all workplace-safe.
Humor #1,
#2, #3
The Good Life is a free publication printed
in northern Michigan. Along with advertisements and stories from local interests, every edition is chock full of humorous
quips and jokes. These tech-related items are from the July 2014 edition.
How Things Work in Real Life Start with a cage containing five monkeys. Inside the cage, hang a banana on a string
and place a set of stairs under it. Before long, a monkey will go to the stairs and start to climb towards the banana.
As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all of the other monkeys with cold water. After a while, another monkey makes
an attempt with the same result all the other monkeys are sprayed with cold water. Pretty soon, when another monkey
tries to climb the stairs, the other monkeys will try to prevent it.
Now, put away the cold water. Remove one monkey from the cage and replace it with a new one. The new monkey sees the
banana and wants to climb the stairs. To his surprise and horror, all of the other monkeys attack him. After another
attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs, he will be assaulted.
Next, remove another of the original five monkeys and replace it with a new one. The newcomer goes to the stairs and
is attacked. The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment with enthusiasm! Likewise, replace a third original
monkey with a new one, then a fourth, then the fifth. Every time the newest monkey takes to the stairs, he is attacked.
Most of the monkeys that are beating him have no idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs or why they
are participating in the beating of the newest monkey. After replacing all the original monkeys, none of the remaining
monkeys have ever been sprayed with cold water. Nevertheless, no monkey ever again approaches the stairs to try for
the banana. Why not? Because as far as they know that's the way it's always been done around here.
And that, my friends, is how a company policy begins.
Boss: This is the third time you've been late for work this week. Do you know what that means?
Me: That it's only
Wednesday...
New Cell Phone
A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decided
to buy her a cell phone. She is all excited, she loves her phone. He shows her and explains to her all the features
on the phone. The next day the blonde goes shopping. Her phone rings and it's her husband. "Hi hun, " he says, "how
do you like your new phone?" His wife replied, "I just love it. It's so small and your voice is clear as a bell, but
there's one thing I don't understand though." "What's that, baby?" asks the husband. The blonde replied,
"How did you know I was at the mall? "
If Dr. Seuss Was a Technical Writer... If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, and the bus is interrupted as
a very last resort, and the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort, then the socket packet pocket has
an error to report. If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash, and the double-clicking icon puts your window
in the trash, and your data is corrupted cause the index doesn't hash, then your situation's hopeless and your system's gonna crash! If the label on the cable on the table at your house, says the network is connected to the button on
your mouse, but your packets want to tunnel on another protocol, that's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the
hall, and your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss, so your icons in the window are as wavy as a
souse, then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang, cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang! When
the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk, And the microcode instructions cause unnecessary risk, Then
you have to flash your memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM, Quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your
mom!
As a member of the organization that installs computer systems aboard Navy ships, I am mindful of how important the
off-ship e-mail capabilities are to sailor morale, especially when some vessels are deployed for up to six months.
One day while shopping at the base commissary, I noticed another crucial aspect of my job.
I was behind a frazzled mother with two active children, and as I watched, she stalked over to where her young son
had perched himself on the rail of the freezer case. "If you don't get off there right now," she commanded,
"I'm going to e-mail your father! "
Microsoft is trying to add some humor to its error messages in Windows. Here are a couple of examples:
* Printer not
responding; Got a pen and paper handy?
* 3 things are certain in life: Taxes, death, and data loss. Guess which has
occurred?
Posted July 2, 2014
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