Funny T-Shirt Sayings

Engineering & Science Humor - RF CafeThese engineering and science tech-centric jokes, song parodies, anecdotes and assorted humor have been collected from friends and websites across the Internet. I check back occasionally for new fodder, but it seems all the old content is reappearing all over (like this is). The humor is light-hearted and clean and sometimes slightly assaultive to the easily-offended, so you are forewarned. It is all workplace-safe.

Humor #1, #2, #3

Here are the Best T-shirts, which ran recently in the Washington Post:

  • God Made Us Sisters; Prozac Made Us Friends.
  • My Mother Is a Travel Agent for Guilt Trips.
  • Senior Citizen: Give Me My Damn Discount.
  • (Spotted on a passing motorcycle): If You Can Read This, My wife Fell Off.
  • I Used to Be Schizophrenic, but We're OK Now.
  • Veni, Vedi, Visa: I Came, I Saw, I Did a Little Shopping
  • What If the Hokey Pokey Is Really What It's All About?
  • Coffee, Chocolate, Men; Some Things Are Just Better Rich.
  • Liberal Arts Major... Will Think for Food.
  • Don't Treat Me Any Differently Than You Would the Queen.
  • Gravity...It's Not Just a Good Idea. It's the Law.
  • If You Want Breakfast in Bed, Sleep in the Kitchen.
  • First National Bank of Dad; Sorry, Closed.
  • In Dog Years, I'm Dead.
  • Love May Be Blind, But Marriage Is a Real Eye Opener.
  • If at First You Don't Succeed, Skydiving Isn't for You.
  • The Trouble With the Gene Pool Is That There's No Lifeguard.
  • Get a New Car for Your Spouse. It'll Be a Great Trade.
  • I'm Going to Graduate on Time, No Matter How Long It Takes.
  • Anything Not Worth Doing Is Not Worth Doing Well.
  • A Day Without Sunshine is Like Night.
  • First Things First, but Not Necessarily in That Order.
  • Old Age Comes at a Bad Time.
  • In America, Anyone Can Be President. That's One of the Risks You Take.
  • Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
  • I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
  • You're just jealous because the voices only talk to ME.
  • BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.
  • So you're a feminist...Isn't that cute.
  • The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.
  • I(nternal) R(evenue) S(ervice): We've got what it takes to take what you've got.

  • Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
  • Out of my mind...Back in five minutes.
  • As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
  • Hang up and drive.
  • I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
  • God must love stupid people...He made SO many.
  • Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.
  • I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
  • Where there's a will...I want to be in it.
  • Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
  • Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
  • Always remember you're unique... Just like everyone else.
  • God is my copilot, but the Devil is my bombardier.
  • I don't have a license to kill. I have a learner's permit.
  • Keep honking while I reload.
  • Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either!
  • Who were the testers for Preparations A through G?
  • Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
  • 5 days a week my body is a temple. The other two, it's an amusement park.
  • EARTH FIRST! We'll strip-mine the other planets later.
  • If you drink, don't park. Accidents cause people.
  • If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.
  • Save the whales! Trade them for valuable prizes.
  • Whitewater is over when the First Lady sings.
  • Jack Kevorkian for White House physician.
  • My wife keeps complaining I never listen to her ...or something like that .
  • Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive.
  • Stop repeat offenders. Don't reelect them!
  • Your village called, their idiot's missing!  (thanks to Martin L. for adding that)