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Human Resources Lingo

Take a break from the drudgery with some of these jokes, song parodies, anecdotes and assorted humor that has been collected from friends & from websites across the Internet. This humor is light-hearted and sometimes slightly offensive to the easily-offended, so you are forewarned. I have taken care to censor "humor" with overt sexual overtones (or undertones) and hateful tirades, so it is all workplace-safe. I have also tried to warn of any links that will result in audio clips so you can take appropriate precautions. Please send any potential candidates for this humor page to the e-mail link above.

Humor #1 | Humor #2 | Humor #3



The next time you see a job advertised, use this handy lexicon to decipher what the employer is really looking for in you.
  • COMPETITIVE SALARY:  We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.
  • JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY:  We have no time to train you.
  • CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE:  We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up.
  • MUST BE DEADLINE-ORIENTED:  You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.
  • SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED:  Some time each night and some time each weekend.
  • DUTIES WILL VARY:  Anyone in the office can boss you around.
  • MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL:  We have no quality control.
  • CAREER-MINDED:  Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way).
  • APPLY IN PERSON:  If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been filled.
  • NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE:  We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.
  • SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE:  You'll need it to replace three people who just left.
  • PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST:  You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.
  • REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS:  You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.
  • GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS:  Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it.




...from the Jokes website
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