These engineering and science tech-centric
jokes, song parodies, anecdotes and assorted humor have been collected from friends
and websites across the Internet. I check back occasionally for new fodder, but
it seems all the old content is reappearing all over (like this is). The humor is
light-hearted and clean and sometimes slightly assaultive to the easily-offended,
so you are forewarned. It is all workplace-safe.
The next time you see a job
advertised, use this handy lexicon to decipher what the employer is really looking for in you.
- COMPETITIVE SALARY: We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.
- JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY: We have no time to train you.
- CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE: We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up.
- MUST BE DEADLINE-ORIENTED: You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.
- SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED: Some time each night and some time each weekend.
DUTIES WILL VARY: Anyone in the office can boss you around.
- MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL: We have no quality control.
- CAREER-MINDED: Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way).
- APPLY IN PERSON: If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been filled.
- NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE: We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.
- SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE: You'll need it to replace three people who just left.
- PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST: You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.
- REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS: You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.
- GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS: Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it.
...from the Jokes website