Jokes Archive 1

Take a break from the drudgery with some of these jokes, song parodies, anecdotes and assorted humor that has been collected from friends & from websites across the Internet. This humor is light-hearted and sometimes slightly offensive to the easily-offended, so you are forewarned. I have taken care to censor "humor" with reproductive function innuendo and hateful tirades, so it is all workplace-safe. I have also tried to warn of any links that will result in audio clips so you can take appropriate precautions. Please send any potential candidates for this humor page to the e-mail link above.

Humor #1 | Humor #2 | Humor #3

• Seen on a bumper sticker: "The gene pool could use a little chlorine."
• That's one expensive Game Boy Cable!
  
  
  
  

• Global Warming Humor "In New York City alone, 47 cab drivers were treated for severe frostbite of the middle finger." Alex Kaseberg
• "Network: Any thing reticulated or decussated, at equal distances, with interstices between the intersections." — Samuel Johnson, Dictionary of the English Language (1755). That clears it up.
• Scientists have shown that the moon is moving away at a tiny, although measurable distance, from the earth every year. If you do the math, you can calculate that 85 million years ago the moon was orbiting the earth at a distance of about 35 feet from the earth's surface. This would explain the death of the dinosaurs... The tallest ones, anyway. - Anon
• There are only 10 types on people in this world: Those who understand binary, and those who don't.
• Q: What is the simplest way to observe the Doppler effect in the visible light band?
  A:  Go out at and observe cars at night. The lights of the ones approaching you are white, while the lights of the ones moving away from you are red.
• Q: What chemical compound is represented by the letters H I J K L M N O?
  A: Water - get it?  H-to-O (H₂O)
• A man is driving down a country road, when he spots a farmer standing in the middle of a huge field of grass. He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that the farmer is just standing there, doing nothing, looking at nothing.
  The man gets out of the car, walks all the way out to the farmer and asks him, "Ah excuse me mister, but what are you doing?"
  The farmer replies, "I'm trying to win a Nobel Prize."
  "How?" asks the man, puzzled.
  "Well I heard they give the Nobel Prize to people who are out standing in their field."
• Some time ago a piece of paper was posted around here where I study saying something like this: "Theory is when you know how it works but it still doesn't. Practice is when it works but you don't know why. In this Department [Physics], theory and practice are joined together: nothing works and no one knows why!"
• Just outside of Munich, Germany, Werner Heisenberg went for a drive and got stopped by a traffic cop. The cop asked, "Do you know how fast you were going?" Heisenberg replied, "While there is uncertainty in my speed, but I do know precisely where I am."