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You Know You're in California When...

Take a break from the drudgery with some of these jokes, song parodies, anecdotes and assorted humor that has been collected from friends & from websites across the Internet. This humor is light-hearted and sometimes slightly offensive to the easily-offended, so you are forewarned. I have taken care to censor "humor" with reproductive function innuendo and hateful tirades, so it is all workplace-safe. I have also tried to warn of any links that will result in audio clips so you can take appropriate precautions. Please send any potential candidates for this humor page to the e-mail link above.

Humor #1 | Humor #2 | Humor #3


  • Your co-worker has 8 body piercing and none are visible.
  • You make over $300,000 a year and still can't afford a house.
  • You take a bus and are shocked at two people carrying on a conversation in English.
  • Your child's 3rd-grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring, and is named Breeze.
  • You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are grown.
  • You know which restaurant serves the freshest arugula.
  • You can't remember.....is pot illegal?
  • A really great parking space can totally move you to tears.
  • A low speed police pursuit will interrupt ANY TV broadcast.
  • Gas costs $1.00 per gallon more than anywhere else in the U.S.
  • Unlike back home, the guy at 8:30 am at Starbucks wearing the baseball cap and sunglasses who looks like Bruce Willis IS Bruce Willis.
  • Your car insurance costs as much as your house payment.
  • You have to leave the big company meeting early because Billy Blanks himself is teaching the 4:00 pm Tae Bo class.
  • You pass an elementary school playground and the children are all busy with their cell phones or pagers.
  • It's barely sprinkling rain outside, so you leave for work an hour early to avoid all the weather-related accidents.
  • Both you AND your dog have therapists.
  • You're thinking of taking an adult class but you can't decide between aroma therapy or conversational mandarin.
  • You call 911 and they put you on hold.
  • You keep a list of companies to boycott.
  • You've been to a baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm donor.
  • You give a "thumbs up" gesture to a car with a FREE TIBET bumper sticker -- and you mean it.
  • You realize the only Republicans you know are your aunt and uncle in Michigan.



---unknown author

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