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Managerese vs. Engineerese

Take a break from the drudgery with some of these jokes, song parodies, anecdotes and assorted humor that has been collected from friends & from websites across the Internet. This humor is light-hearted and sometimes slightly offensive to the easily-offended, so you are forewarned. I have taken care to censor "humor" with overt sexual overtones (or undertones) and hateful tirades, so it is all workplace-safe. I have also tried to warn of any links that will result in audio clips so you can take appropriate precautions. Please send any potential candidates for this humor page to the e-mail link above.

Humor #1 | Humor #2 | Humor #3








Managerese Engineerese
Adjust schedule Slip schedule
Advise Order
Ambitious Unlikely
Aggressive Very Unlikely
Challenge Frustration; a dirty job nobody wants
Compatibility Impossibility (see "Transparent change")
Contribution Anything a manager likes
Controlled introduction Let the customer do the CA
Couldn't reach consensus Total disagreement
Critical path Something that only a short project can be on
Diagnostics Something that might give us a clue
Dynamic Unstable
Elevated to management level Dead
Encouraged Ordered
Encouraging process No tangible results
Exciting Frightening
Functionally complete Can do something that appears to work for any feature
Growth opportunity Learning experience
Helping people Telling people what to do
Historical Nobody remembers why
Inappropriate Stupid (see "Non-optimal" and "Stupid")
Individual contributor Regular grunt engineer
Interesting Bear in mind the Chinese curse "May you live in interesting times"
Issue Problem (see "Opportunity")
Learning experience Mistake (see "Growth opportunity")
Less than candid Bald-faced lie
Leverage Borrowing someone else's problem
New opportunity Surprise
Non-optimal Inappropriate
Opportunity Problem
Pessimistic Most likely to occur
Positioning problem No one will buy it
Power down Trip over the power-cord
Project transfer Start project over again
Quality Japanese; otherwise not well defined
Redirected In some contexts: cancelled; otherwise: start again
Resource constrained Not getting done (see "Time constrained")
Revision Same software version but from another tape
Richness Overwhelming complexity
Scenario Fairy tale
Significantly reduced subset Castrated
Stable Stagnant
Strategy What we tell ourselves we are going to do
Strong personality Intolerably obnoxious
Strongly encouraged Ordered on pain of death (see "Encouraged")
Stupid Incredibly stupid (see "Inappropriate")
Suboptimal Inappropriate
Tactical plan What our customers tell us we are going to do
Time constrained Already too late (see "Resource constrained")
Time frame A period of time in which something will not occur
Transparent change A change which introduces only subtle problems
We You

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