Take a break from the
drudgery with some of these jokes, song parodies, anecdotes and assorted humor that has been collected from friends & from websites across
the Internet. This humor is light-hearted and sometimes slightly offensive to the easily-offended, so you are forewarned. I have taken care
to censor "humor" with reproductive function innuendo and hateful tirades, so it is all workplace-safe. I have also tried to warn
of any links that will result in audio clips so you can take appropriate precautions. Please send any potential candidates for this humor page
to the e-mail link above.
Humor #1 | Humor #2 | Humor #3
Instructions for Microsoft's New TV
You must first remove the plastic cover. By doing so you agree to accept and honor
Microsoft's rights to all TV dinners. You may not give anyone else a bite of your dinner (which would constitute
an infringement of Microsoft's rights). You may, however, let others smell and look at your dinner and are
encouraged to tell them how good it is.
If you have a PC microwave oven, insert the dinner into the oven. Set the oven using these keystrokes:
<\mstv.dinn.//08.5min@50%heat//. Then enter: If you have a Mac oven, insert the dinner and press start. The oven
will set itself and cook the dinner.
If you have a Unix oven, insert the dinner, enter the ingredients of the dinner (found on the package label), the
weight of the dinner, and the desired level of cooking and press start. The oven will calculate the time and heat
and cook the dinner exactly to specifications. Be forewarned that Microsoft dinners may crash, in which case your
oven must be restarted.
This is a simple procedure. Remove the dinner from the oven and eat. Many users
have reported that the dinner tray is far too big, larger than the dinner itself, having many useless
compartments, most of which are empty. These are for future menu items. If the tray is too large to fit in your
oven you will need to upgrade your equipment.
Dinners are only available from registered outlets, and only
the chicken variety is currently produced. If you want another variety, call Microsoft Help and they will explain
that you really don't want another variety. Microsoft Chicken is all you really need. Microsoft has disclosed
plans to discontinue all smaller versions of their chicken dinners. Future releases will only be in the larger
family size. Excess chicken may be stored for future use, but must be saved only in Microsoft approved packaging.
Microsoft promises a dessert with every dinner after '98. However, that version has yet to be released. Users have
permission to get thrilled in advance.
Microsoft dinners may be incompatible with other dinners in the
freezer, causing your freezer to self-defrost. This is a feature, not a bug. Your freezer probably should have
been defrosted anyway.
Author unknown (forwarded by e-mail)