Custom Search
Over 10000 Pages Indexed
Your Host
Click here to read about RF CafeKirt
Blattenberger

... single-
handedly
redefining
what an
engineering website
should be.

View the YouTube RF Cafe Intro Video Carpe Diem!
(Seize the Day!)

5CCG (5th MOB):
My USAF radar shop

Hobby & Fun

Airplanes and Rockets:
My personal hobby website

Equine Kingdom:
My daughter Sally's horse
riding business website -
lots of info

•−•  ••−•    −•−•  •−  ••−•  •
RF Cafe Morse Code >Hear It<

Job Board

About RF Cafe©

RF Cafe E-Mail

Sure Signs that You May Need an Elmer

Take a break from the drudgery with some of these jokes, song parodies, anecdotes and assorted humor that has been collected from friends & from websites across the Internet. This humor is light-hearted and sometimes slightly offensive to the easily-offended, so you are forewarned. I have taken care to censor "humor" with overt sexual overtones (or undertones) and hateful tirades, so it is all workplace-safe. I have also tried to warn of any links that will result in audio clips so you can take appropriate precautions. Please send any potential candidates for this humor page to the e-mail link above.

Humor #1 | Humor #2 | Humor #3


An Elmer is the guy you go to, to ask questions about topics in Ham Radio that you don't understand.  In that vein, you know it's time for you to find an Elmer if...
  • Your friend tells you he has a new two meter radio and you figure one of the meters must be for SWR and the other for power out.
  • You hear a conversation on the low bands about CW and you think they're referring to a Dolly Parton concert.
  • You hear that someone won a 40 meter radio at a hamfest and you wonder how they are going to get something that large in their house.
  • You build a Morse code key out of Perspex and can't figure out why it won't key your radio.
  • You think the difference between short wave and long wave is the speed at which you move your wrist back and forth.
  • You're thinking about joining your other ham friends in the local ATV group because you own a Land Rover.
  • You think a collinear antenna can only be used with two amplifiers.
  • You think FM is the modulation type that came after EM, DM, CM, BM and AM.
  • You wouldn't mind getting into packet radio but no matter how much you practice you can't get the hang of sending those beeps and braps with your keyer.
  • You wonder what sound a short wave makes and why anyone would want to listen to one.
  • You think the repeater committee would be a lot happier if instead of talking about their cavities they just went to the dentist and got them filled.
  • You think a CW ID is the serial number of that latest Loretta Lynn album.

...by Jeffrey S. King, N1DJS
A Disruptive Web Presence

Custom Search
Over 10,000 pages indexed! (none duped or pirated)

Read About RF Cafe
Webmaster: Kirt Blattenberger
    KB3UON

RF Cafe Software

RF Cascade Workbook
RF Cascade Workbook is a very extensive system cascaded component Excel workbook that includes the standard Gain, NF, IP2, IP3, Psat calculations, input & output VSWR, noise BW, min/max tolerance, DC power cauculations, graphing of all RF parameters, and has a graphical block diagram tool. An extensive User's Guide is also included. - Only $35.
RF system analysis including
frequency conversion & filters

RF & EE Symbols Word
RF Stencils for Visio

Product & Service Directory
Personally Selected Manufacturers
RF Cafe T-Shirts & Mugs

RF Cafe Software

Calculator Workbook
RF Workbench
Smith Chart™ for Visio
Smith Chart™ for Excel