 These engineering and science tech-centric
jokes, song parodies, anecdotes and assorted humor have been collected from friends
and websites across the Internet. I check back occasionally for new fodder, but
it seems all the old content is reappearing all over (like this is). The humor is
light-hearted and clean and sometimes slightly assaultive to the easily-offended,
so you are forewarned. It is all workplace-safe.
Humor #1,
#2, #3
To be an astute and well-informed investor
one should be familiar with the new terms used when dealing with the stock market. These terms have been updated
to fit today's times:
- CEO -- chief embezzlement officer
- CFO -- corporate fraud officer
- VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower
- P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing
- BROKER -- What my broker has made me
- STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell
-
STOCK ANALYST! -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock
- STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves
- FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected
- MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks
- CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet
- YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share
- WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share
- BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius
- BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the
husband gets no sex
- INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse
- PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use
...thanks to Cornell for this one. |
