New Investment Terms

Engineering & Science Humor - RF CafeThese engineering and science tech-centric jokes, song parodies, anecdotes and assorted humor have been collected from friends and websites across the Internet. I check back occasionally for new fodder, but it seems all the old content is reappearing all over (like this is). The humor is light-hearted and clean and sometimes slightly assaultive to the easily-offended, so you are forewarned. It is all workplace-safe.

Humor #1, #2, #3

To be an astute and well-informed investor one should be familiar with the new terms used when dealing with the stock market. These terms have been updated to fit today's times:

  • CEO -- chief embezzlement officer

  • CFO -- corporate fraud officer

  • VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower

  • P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing

  • BROKER -- What my broker has made me

  • STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell

  • STOCK ANALYST! -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock

  • STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves

  • FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected

  • MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks

  • CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet

  • YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share

  • WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share

  • BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius

  • BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex

  • INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse

  • PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use

 

         ...thanks to Cornell for this one.