Rules for Driving in the South

These engineering and science tech-centric jokes, song parodies, anecdotes and assorted humor have been collected from friends and websites across the Internet. I check back occasionally for new fodder, but it seems all the old content is reappearing all over (like this is). The humor is light-hearted and clean and sometimes slightly assaultive to the easily-offended, so you are forewarned. It is all workplace-safe.

Humor #1, #2, #3

A right lane construction closure is just a game to see how many people can cut in line by passing you on the right as you sit in the left lane waiting for the same jerks to squeeze their way back in before hitting the orange construction barrels.
Turn signals will give away your next move. A real Southerner never uses them.
Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, or the space will be filled in by somebody else putting you in an even more dangerous situation.
Tailgating is a "must" to all Southerners (I can personally attest to this one!!!).
Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane-change is considered "going with the flow."
The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you have of getting hit.
If you MUST use turn signals, here's how to do it, Southern Style:
Signal only when you feel like it.
If you feel you must use your directionals, make sure they blink only once, then turn them off.
Signal only after you change lanes. When driving straight, make sure that at least one directional is blinking at all times. This keeps the drivers behind you on their toes.
Signal as you approach a curve in the road.
If you intend to make a right turn, use the left signal.
If you intend to make a left turn, use the right signal.
When approaching an intersection, signal to turn and slow down. When other drivers or pedestrians cross in front of you, turn off the signal and go straight.
When you intend to make a turn, start signaling approximately 6-8 blocks before your turn. Slow down for each block as you approach them.
Always apply your brakes way before you signal.
When making a left turn at a busy red light, wait for the light to turn green before you turn on your signal.
Wait until after you have started to turn or change lanes to use your signals.
If you must use hand signals instead of your directionals, use your right hand or have your passenger do it out the right side window.

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Kirt Blattenberger,

BSEE - KB3UON

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