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Technology Axioms

Engineering & Science Humor - RF CafeThese engineering and science tech-centric jokes, song parodies, anecdotes and assorted humor have been collected from friends and websites across the Internet. I check back occasionally for new fodder, but it seems all the old content is reappearing all over (like this is). The humor is light-hearted and clean and sometimes slightly assaultive to the easily-offended, so you are forewarned. It is all workplace-safe.

Humor #1, #2, #3

Technology Axioms

  • Never trust results you get on a Friday afternoon until you can repeat the results on a Monday morning1.
  • You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track.
  • Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.
  • An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he knows absolutely everything about nothing.
  • Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch to be sure.
  • All great discoveries are made by mistake.
  • Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.
  • A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost.
  • A failure will not appear till a unit has passed final inspection.
  • Some people manage by the book, even though they don't know who wrote the book or even what book.
  • The primary function of the design engineer is to make things difficult for the fabricator and impossible for the serviceman.
  • To spot the expert, pick the one who predicts the job will take the longest and cost the most.
  • After all is said and done, a hell of a lot more is said than done.
  • Any circuit design must contain at least one part which is obsolete, two parts which are unobtainable and three parts which are still under development.
  • If mathematically you end up with the incorrect answer, try multiplying by the page number.
  • Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable. Any system which depends on human reliability is unreliable.
  • If you can't understand it, it is intuitively obvious.
  • Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. And scratch where it itches.
  • If it's not in the computer, it doesn't exist.
  • When all else fails, read the instructions.
  • If there is a possibility of several things going wrong the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.
  • Everything that goes up must come down.
  • Any instrument when dropped will roll into the least accessible corner.
  • If you build a system that even a fool can use, then only a fool will want to use it.
  • If it jams, try to force it. If it breaks, it probably needed to be replaced anyway.
  • Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value.

1. Thanks to Michael M. for this one - 3/8/2010

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