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Things You'll Never Hear a Southerner Say
(trust me - I lived in North Carolina for 6½ years)

Take a break from the drudgery with some of these jokes, song parodies, anecdotes and assorted humor that has been collected from friends & from websites across the Internet. This humor is light-hearted and sometimes slightly offensive to the easily-offended, so you are forewarned. I have taken care to censor "humor" with overt sexual overtones (or undertones) and hateful tirades, so it is all workplace-safe. I have also tried to warn of any links that will result in audio clips so you can take appropriate precautions. Please send any potential candidates for this humor page to the e-mail link above.

Humor #1 | Humor #2 | Humor #3


  • Do you think I'm following that car too close?
  • I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex
  • Duct tape won't fix that
  • Lisa Marie was lucky to catch Michael
  • We don't keep firearms in this house
  • Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?
  • You can't feed that to the dog
  • I thought Graceland was tacky
  • No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe
  • Wrasslin's fake
  • Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
  • We're vegetarians
  • Do you think my gut is too big?
  • Honey, we don't need another dog
  • Who's Richard Petty?
  • Give me the small bag of pork rinds
  • Make sure you use your turn signal at this intersection
  • Too many deer heads detract from the decor
  • Spittin is such a nasty habit     (I love this one!)
  • I just couldn't find a thing at Walmart today
  • Trim the fat off that steak
  • The tires on that truck are too big
  • I've got it all on the C: drive
  • Unsweetened tea tastes better
  • Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams
  • Checkmate
  • Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
  • Dang, I meant to come to a complete stop at that stop sign
  • Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen
  • Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla
  • Nope, no more for me I'm drivin tonight



         Thanks to Steve for these.
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